One Woman's Thoughts: 2009

Thursday, July 9, 2009

As yet Untitled

It's the middle of the night my love, and I find myself lying in bed hurting for your touch, hurting to feel you, hurting to be with you. You have become a part of the essense of who I am. It's like being a tree with no leaves, a bird with no wings, or a heart with no beat. I cannot be complete without you.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Apology

Why did I let you back into my life again after all of these years where you lived as a fond memory of my first love.

Why did I let myself get so wrapped up in the thrill of it all that I allowed myself to get lost in your words. It took me 10 years to claim my life as mine, yet a few words from you took all of that away from me for a short while. I will survive this. I will put it behind me, but for now the open wound exposed to the air and the light burns.

You said you wanted to apologize for what you had did. It would have been better for me if you hadn't - and lived on as a memory.

If you truly cared about me, you would have left me alone to live my life without you as I have done for the past 30 years.

I hope you feel better about yourself, because you left me feeling like shit all over again. I hope you got what you wanted. I hope you satified your selfish need to feel better at my expense.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Old Wounds

Pick. Pick..Pick

The skin begins to rip rip rip…

But here we are pick pick pick…

Expose the wound to open air…..

Reliving old pain for reasons we don’t know….

Traveled so far down a road only to look up to see…

We have traveled in a circle right back to where this all started…..

This was not the plan…..the journey began as a way to close the circle…

But it turned against me and just opened an old wound.

So starts the healing process again.

Lesson learned?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

It's Amazing

I find it truely amazing that we can take a comment from an outsider ....someone who we have no more than a passing aquaintance....and make us feel less than.

I was friend "pinged" by someone online who thought I was someone they went to highschool with. While we did attend the same school, he had the right first name with the wrong last name. When he discovered that I was not who he thought I was, just someone else that shared the same first name of this other person, someone who did not belong to his crowd in school, someone I had forgotten about, he rudely dismissed our text messages with the same dismissive attitude I do remember him having in highschool. Highschool for chr#$t sakes.

Now while my adult mind can stand back and appauld his lack of growth as a person, I find it truely amazing that I let this person hurt who I am. My rational mind knows that this entire event is not worth wasting any emotion on, but yet in the small places that our true selves hide in the corners of our hearts, souls and minds, I still find this hurt little person. Why do we let such dismissive people make us feel less than. ....

I sit here tonight and can count the many wonderful loving supportive people in my life. Many many more than I can ever deserve, but yet this little flea of a being made me feel less than.....

Menopause Tips

I have found that while going through the change there are many of us suffering from symptoms in silence. And I don't mean the obvious things. So I would like to share with you things about menopause I have learned on my journey and while asking frank questions of others.

So this weeks tip 11/21/08: If you have a problem with your "headlights" always showing through your clothes and would like to not always appear cold....I have found these wonderful little pads you slide into your bra that hide the problem. I got mine from QVC.com. They look like little bra cups. You just slip them into your bra and they instantly smooth out the probelm and help you to "fill out" a poor fitting bra! The great part is you don't even know they are there and they don't slide out!

Week 11/25/08: Sometimes for no reason you will find that soap, lubricant, or your sanitary products can iritate our most sensative area. Do not be alarmed. Sometimes the skin in that most delicate area can become very sensative to man made chemicals. If this happens, switch to a natural olive oil based soap, cotton undies, and when "that" time comes use all cotton "rags." (Bar rags that you can purchase at your local "mart" store work best - very absorbant) This sensation won't last very long, and will come and go for no reason. So just get back to natural living and your body and skin will balance out the issue on it's own.

Week of 12/20/08: Hot Flashes - One of life's great pleasures is being able to self combust at a moments notice. I have found incoporating soy into my diet helped alot with the number of spontaneous combustion moments I was having. For the times that nothing else helps - I have found these neat little wraps for your neck. You soak them in water for a few hours, they swell up, and then you tie them around your neck to help keep you cool. They stay cold for about 4 to 5 hours, and then all you do is re-soak them for about 30 minutes and they are good to go again. I got mine on QVC, but I am sure any sporting goods store will have them.

Week of 12/30/08: Hairy Chin Syndrome - I have found this great thing called a "Tweezie." It works wonderful for chin hair. Sometimes I will check myself in the morning for stray chin hairs, find none, but then come home and find a two inch strand of chin hair. I wonder - did it just bust out all at once that length, or am I going blind. With the "Tweezie" you can carry it in your purse so that if you do have a hair emergency during the day, you can take care of it. I don't recommend using this for the all important mustache hair, as it is to rough on that skin. For that hair I use an electric razor. Just a quick hit a few times a week leave you looking more like your young self, and less like the Frito Bandito. Final note: Eye brows are best left to the professionals that know how to shape them. You don't need to always look "scared" at our age.

01/16/09 - Heavy Bleeding - Every now and again you will get a period that is very heavy (soaking a pad or tampon in an hour or two). After checking with your doctor to make sure there is no underlying medical cause - other than old age - I find using a poise pad or a depends a life saver to keep your bleeding from spotting your trousers. I always keep some in my purse because you never know when spotting will turn into a waterfall. But armed with the poise pads or depends, will keep your private issue private.

02/26/09 - Emotional Re-birthing. Going through these changes physically can and will make old unresolved emotional issues come back to be dealt with. For no reason you will be just zooming along one day, and and unresolved conflict that you had with your Mom, sister, Dad, really anyone that was in your life, will come back up and insist on being dealt with. Now not every one of this issues will be epic. Some can be dealt with with a phone call or lunch. But other will require some journaling, some couseling by a friend or trained professional. Don't be afraid to face these issues. I used to refer to the little (sometimes big) shelf in my closet. Every now and again the shelve gets overloaded, and would come crashing down, boxes opening and spilling onto the floor in a big mess. As a great therapist once asked me....did I want to just fix the shelf, or spend some time emptying out the boxes that caused the collapse. Only you can decide which to do, but I promise you, for each box you empty, your life becomes more in balance. So go and empty out those boxes. If you don't, the shelf will break and you will have to start to pick up the mess anyway.

One Woman's Thoughts